High School Sex

Whether it's the prom, homecoming, or some other awkward social situation suffocated with hype, most people lose their virginity in high school. Not me. Nope. Not Frank or Fran or Francis. I was able to escape the wondrous joys of confusing, awkward sex before the age of 18. Whew! Now I don't want to give the impression that I was avoiding the situation in high school, quite the contrary. Countless hours of research and development by well educated and well trained astronauts, scientists, and doctors were able to pin-point a few probable causes to the situation:

1. Puberty Mustache. Keeping it for a while when I was 16 seemed like an okay idea. I was wrong, dead wrong. Everyone with a puberty mustache looks like a dick. Everyone. Even Fran.

2. Bowl/Skater dude hair cut. This haircut looks stupid on everyone, but especially me. In high school my hair was so thick and curly that it was always flipping up and making me a dead ringer for a woman from the 50s. The guy in the picture isnt me, and his isnt even close to how ridiculous mine looked. He still looks like a dick though.

3. The Bowling Team. Looking back, this is pretty obvious. Bowling. Everyday. After School. You and a bunch of fat kids in a bowling alley. Everyday. After School. For hours. Bowling.

4. The "Late Bloomer". You know what sucks? Going through puberty a year later than the rest of your grade. Coming back from the summer and everyone says "hey man your voice got a lot deeper" This would be fine if I was 14, not 16.

Next time High School sex, next time.....